There is something uniquely terrifying about staring into the mirror and not knowing who you are anymore. You may look the same but there is an emptiness behind your gaze. It’s almost as if your looking at a cardboard cutout version of yourself.
Growing up in a household with a parental figure that had strong emotional energy taught me from a young age that in order to not cause waves, I had to act the way they expected. This transferred over to my relationships as I grew into my adult years. My greatest goal was to be the perfect girlfriend. You know the one – laidback, loves the same interest as you do, doesn’t care if you hang out with your friends till 2 am, that one. I was the equivalent of a chameleon, changing colors in order to fit in.
It got to the point where I knew I had to make a change. Otherwise, I would wake up at the age of forty living someone else’s reality. So I did what every reasonable human being does when faced with a choice – I blew up my life and started a new one.
But here’s where I went wrong and where I see a lot of my clients go wrong as well. You tear down the walls, make everything shiny and new yet leave the outdated electrical the same. In order to stop the people-pleasing cycle, you need to do the outer work AND inner work.
I’m not going to sugar coat it. Changing your thought patterns and defining your worth is not a three-step process. It takes time to come back to yourself. To love yourself. Once you do though, the universe responds in profound ways.
Actress Emma Watson was recently asked about her relationship status, and she said, “It took me a long time, but I’m very happy [being single]. I call it being self-partnered.”
Emma Watson has the right idea. When you’re self-partnered, you’re focusing on being fulfilled and whole within the self. This doesn’t mean you don’t want to find love someday. It’s that you’re taking the time to know yourself first. This is the hidden key to finding your way home again.
Have you ever had a Saturday night where you dial up your friends and nobody answers? Faced with the prospect of spending time alone, anxiety creeps in and instead of sitting with your emotions, you watch hours of mind-numbing T.V, miserable. We’ve all been there.
Ready for a truth bomb? When you begin to feel at ease in your own company, your self-esteem grows. No longer are you overcome with limiting self-beliefs. You know how badass and brilliant you are. That trip abroad you’ve wanted to take forever? Tickets booked, sexy ass bikini purchased.
Waiting around for the other people to get their shit together so you can live the life you want – been there, done that. Once you learn how to love your own company, the world is your oyster. And in the process, you’ll discover what makes you..you. Flaws and all.