The Number One Tip To Stop the People Pleasing Cycle

Wellness Tips

The other week on the blog I discussed my own journey with people pleasing and how it altered the course of my life, but ultimately figured out how to auto-correct before it was too late.

It can be hard to recognize our weaknesses when our knee-jerk reaction is to put blinders on. Pulling back the curtain for an inside glimpse at the messy complicated parts you are trained to hide is terrifying. These imperfectly perfect parts though make up every inch of who you are, how you act in this world and impact what kind of future you want to lay the groundwork for.

I’m telling you this because not everyone is in tune with their people pleasing, especially woman. There is a difference between helping a friend out and bending over backwards to win the best friend award. You have to dig deep and ask yourself, what are my intentions behind my actions? If it comes from a negative space AKA my friend will be disappointed in me if I don’t take her cat to the vet, then that is pure people pleasing through and through. You have to recognize your nature, then re-tune your thought process to transform people pleasing into a genuine need to help others instead of a selfish act. Yes, you heard me right.

You are acting under a false guarantee that by bending over backwards they won’t get mad or be disappointed. You are protecting your own feelings, not theirs. If you want to stop this cycle, then there is one and only one tip you need to follow.

Say No to Anything That Doesn’t Strike Your Fancy

Sounds simple in practice but for people pleasers, this is a herculean effort. You have to fight against how badly you want to say yes because it’s easier than dealing with the consequences of saying no. You will prepare your body for battle at first, assuming that there will be a war to fight, surely, right? RIGHT? Um no. If your friend or loved one isn’t an asshole, 90 percent of the time they will simply accept your answer without hyperbole.

Fiction VS Reality

FICTION

Husband or Partner: Honey, can you take the kids to soccer practice?

You: No, I’m exhausted and need to still do laundry. Can you take them and pick up dinner on the way home?

Husband or Partner: Are you serious right now? How selfish can you be? You are a horrible mother.

REALITY

Husband or Partner: Honey, can you take the kids to soccer practice?

You: No, I’m exhausted and need to still do laundry. Can you take them and pick up dinner on the way home?

Husband or Partner: Sure! How does pizza sound?

You: Great!

When it comes to complicated matters such as standing up for your own beliefs it can be harder to put your foot down. However, you will come to find once you get used to using the word no, the stronger you’ll feel.

I would suggest you implement this tip for at least a month to truly change your thoughts patterns around people pleasing. Give your friends or loved ones a heads up before diving into this challenge so they don’t feel as if you have grown a new head. You’ll be amazed at how your relationships deepen when you start showing them your true self.

 

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